u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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