I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
