Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
