Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
