I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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