Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
