I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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