i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
