Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
