He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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