I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
