thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
