A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
