I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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