Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
