Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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