someone threw a dead crab at me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
