Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
