my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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