I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
