i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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