We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize