Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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