He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
