I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
