Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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