Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
