The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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