um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
