Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
