Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
