My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i now understand why vodka
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
