I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize