Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
