You can't special order awesome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize