So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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