I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
