words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
