The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
