I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
