Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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