Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
