Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize