He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
