M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
