Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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