I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize