Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
