and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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