Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
