Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize