we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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