Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
