I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
