I wannas sexs uuuuu
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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