idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize