when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
