Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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