Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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