i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize