so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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