in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
