talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
