Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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