ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
