Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As shirtless as possible
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
