Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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