Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
