Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
